{ Music & Lyrics: World's Greatest Criminal Mind }
Vocals: Vincent Price (Ratigan), Barrie Ingham (Bartholomew), Chorus
Music by Henry Mancini
Lyrics by Henry Mancini
Ratigan:
My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy!
Chorus:
Yay!
Ratigan:
Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her diamond jubilee. And, with the enthusiastic help of our good friend Mr. Flaversham, it promises to be a night she will never forget. Her last night, and my first, as supreme ruler of all mousedom!
Chorus:
Yay!
Ratigan:
From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper
The head that made headlines in every newspaper
And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job
That cunning display that made London a sob
Now comes the real tour de force
Tricky and wicked, of course
\ My earlier crimes were fine for their times
But now that I'm at it again
An even grimmer plot has been simmering
In my great criminal brain
Chorus:
Even meaner? You mean it?
Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?
You're the best of the worst around
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
The rest fall behind
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
The world's greatest criminal mind
Ratigan:
Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street!
Chorus:
Boo!
For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans, and I haven't had a moment's peace of mind.
Chorus:
Awww.
Ratigan:
But, all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before me!
Chorus:
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're tops and that's that
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
Bartholomew:
To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat! [hic]
Ratigan:
What was that?! What did you call me?
Thug #1:
Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Professor.
Thug #2:
I-it was just a slip of the tongue.
Ratigan:
I am NOT A RAT!
Thug #3:
'Course you're not. You're a mouse!
Thug #1:
Yeah, that's right. Right! A mouse.
Thug #2:
Yeah, a-a big mouse!
Ratigan:
SILENCE! Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me...
Bartholomew:
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're the tops and that's that [hic]
(Oops, yeah)
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
To Ratigan, the world's greatest--
Felicia:
Meow.
Ratigan:
Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's little honey bun enjoy her tasty treat?
Felicia: Urp!
Ratigan:
I trust there will be no further interruptions? And now, as you were singing?
Chorus:
Even louder
We'll shout it!
No one can doubt what we know you can do
You're more evil than even you
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're one of a kind
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
The world's greatest criminal mind
